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Welcome to Smugville

by Tony Harries

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1.
Smugville 02:45
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Brush your lawn, make your windows clear in Smugville In the running for Village of the Year (Smugville) There sits Granny by the old oak tree Smile on her face, Mein Kampf on her knee The landlord serves while hatching a plan To burn all strangers in a wicker man The local bobby pushing his bike in Smugville A rural scene that you can’t dislike (Smugville) The mayor walks by while sniffing a bloom Got a servant locked in a secret room The butcher’s cuts are not too dear And you never ever see a tramp round here They look down on the local town who never try to understand It’s rather tough, keeping up to snuff with polish and a big firm hand It’s cricket and tea and we all agree in Smugville Radio tuned to the BBC in Smugville The ladies guild like to smile away ‘less your colour is wrong or you might be gay A gardening man who kills your weeds And I bet you wouldn’t like the smut he reads Christmas comes every single day in Smugville You’ll not find society’s moral decay in Smugville The local shop is a different class Gives a discount on pampas grass Parties where keys are in a jar Thrown by folks without a car Brush you lawn make your windows clear in Smugville Smugville, Smugville
2.
Behind the Door 03:25
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Behind the door of the house on the street of the town, there’s a girl I think I used to know. In her room, in her house on the street of her town, packs her bags and knows it’s time to go Far away from her house on the street of her town where an education waits for her But she’s lost from the house on the street of her town and she’s not a clue what might occur CHORUS And she dreams, cause her dreams cost nothing to redeem till she takes all her dreams apart. And she knows, yes she knows that the future always glows till her future’s about to start By a place in a book on a bus on a street there’s a boy I’ve heard could have it all But the book that he reads on the bus on the street won’t prove any use to him at all And the dreams from the book on the bus on the street mean a vague chance might be there for him Till he dreams of the book on the bus on street but he knows his future will be grim CHORUS Fortune favours the weak so they say but it pays to have the face Advantage doesn’t bring any rewards and I can’t save your place There’s a mind in a brain in a head in a world and a man who prays to God instead In his mind in his brain in his head in his world he knows the line is always dead But his mind in his brain in his head in his world forever hope that some day soon His thoughts in his mind in his brain in his world will someday sing a different tune CHORUS Behind the door of house on the street of the town, there’s a girl who knows she don’t belong In her room in her house on the street of her town where she knows she’s found another song Far away from the house on the street of her town where her parents smile and think the best But she’s lost from the house on the street of the town and her thoughts of them make her depressed CHORUS x 2 And she dreams, cause her dreams cost nothing to redeem
3.
Ben Hur's Boat 03:25
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Chorus We’ve found a job that we like on Ben Hur’s boat Say that we’ll visit the world when we’re afloat There’s your place with a hundred more Don’t complain cause we just ignore So much cash that we can make Especially if you don’t take a break CHORUS Chained to the desk from nine to four Don’t waste time on the person next door We’ve so much fun and a Christmas do When one of the bosses tries it on with you CHORUS We smile all day from our office suite Our hardest choice is where we eat The biggest secret we keep from you Nobody knows really what we do CHORUS We’ll whip you up with a morning cuss That’s designed to make you feel smaller than us No promotion for you to eye Don’t waste time we’ve got cameras that spy CHORUS There’s no time for you to waste Your faith in us is so misplaced Have a view and you will find The sort of comments that kill a mind CHORUS and out
4.
Friends Will Let You Down 03:25
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There’s a thing that I have found Your friends will let you down Never lend you money for a taxi downtown Your friends will let you down Never call Think of you at all Make you small And they don’t recall (don't recall) Terribly rude Sometimes crude Laugh at you When you’re in the nude There’s a things that I have found You’re friends will let you down Never bother to buy a round Your friends will let you down Just don’t look When you’re on Facebook Talking gobbledygook About a meal you’ll cook (meal you'll cook) Want to have their say About how much you weigh And their favourite book Is Fifty Shades of Grey Is depressing to report That they never give support Are they really just my sort They’re as useful as a wart (or a scab) Don’t bother looking all around Your friends will let you down Correct you when you misuse a noun Your friends will let you down It’s such a shame Seem so lame Say what became Of Mr. What'shisname (Mr What'shisname) Can’t remember you Or the things you do About as welcome As a cold fondue There’s a thing that I have found Your friends will let you down Make a joke and they start to frown Your friends will let you down They never care They’re so unaware Never admire Your silk underwear (underwear) Behave like brats Treat you like a mat Prefer a doggy To a tabby cat Like TV shows About U.F.O’s They always hate The size of your nose Think it’s devine To drink the cheapest wine Their favourite song Is Fog on the Tyne
5.
Make My Day 03:22
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A chat show host who is on the hunt Ways to make his life a publicity stunt Does an appeal for charity Sure to get a series on the B.B.C A famous couple likes to think We’d enjoy a show about food and drink He likes to eat and as for she Not eaten solids since ninety three Chorus Please can you help to make my day There’s only one thing that I pray Can’t relate to what they say Lock them up and throw the keys away A man who sings he’s really good Longs for a career in Hollywood Tells everyone ‘money’s bad for you’. Lives by the sea in Malibu CHORUS I don’t know why It’s pie in the sky And they are where they are Why’s this guy Think he’ll supply Answers near and far CHORUS A man in band had a new desire Wants to be the new Messiah Tells everyone to give generously Never ever plays a show for free CHORUS There’s a person, he’s a humble gent Wants the run the world as the President Says education is the only road Can’t wait to learn the nuclear code CHORUS x 2
6.
I Saw Him 03:53
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I bought all the songs and I learned all the lines They meant so much to me When he pranced about on Top of the Pops For all the world to see They said he don’t smile and his outlook was bleak But he just looked devine Never quite sure if his hearing was great In my bedroom in my Northern climes CHORUS The time was ours, the smell of waving flowers And everything seems so mild We’re older now, but boy we all know how Those epigrams made us Wilde I saw him perform at the back of a hall He seemed so far away The music burst out inside of my head Like the taste of a cabernet I underlined words cause they spoke out to me My mind was in a maze Wasn’t quite clear, but he always felt near A cell down in Strangeways CHORUS They played so bright but they went like a flame He moved across the sea Is sometimes seen on Top of the Pops Making witty repartee Seems so strange that I pinned all my hopes As he danced so proud and odd I always thought he’d be happy inside Facing a firing squad CHORUS x 2
7.
Wind You Neck In 03:19
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I've got something I can say about this, about that A pointless moan from inside my flat I'm worked up and my blood is boiled Rant so much that my dinner gets spoiled Chorus Like the sound when I start to speak Scream blue murder, what a cheek Walk about and think I'm cool Kindly wind your neck in fool I'm the voice that leads the crowd about this, about that Only cause I like to chat I use satire, I try wit People think I'm full of it CHORUS I'll have a rant about all I see From the safety of my settee I can make jokes about the pointless too Like my hipster look and a training show I'll lead you all in a choral shout about this, about that My thoughts are weighty but my jokes non-fat I'm the one who sees decay Shout about it till my dying day CHORUS Lift my finger to make a point about this, about that Cost of living and the cost of VAT I always feel that I am right Logics warped and my thoughts are trite CHORUS
8.
Love Song Cliche 03:47
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Miss my girl on Monday I love like a smelly cheese Get to the end of Tuesday I love her like I love disease Pass the time on Wednesday I love her like a dog like fleas Nearly there on Thursday when When I love her like a smelly cheese CHORUS There I sit and want to show Just how much I love you so But others find things so easy to say So I’ll avoid love song cliches Think of fun on Friday I love her like a smelly sock The Sun shines down on Saturday I love like seventies rock Time to reflect on Sunday I love her like a broken clock Time to return to Monday When I love her like a smelly sock CHORUS Love can make your heart go so quick Love can make wretched and sick Love can make your heart start to dance Love can make you forget to wear pants CHORUS Miss my girl in Spring time I love her like a smelly cheese I dream of her in Summer I love her like I love to tease Time to think in Autumn I love her like a chilly breeze Never ever cold in Winter I love her like a smelly cheese CHORUS and out
9.
This House is Not My Home 03:16
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A regal scene on a Sunday lawn with mother eating scones Croquet sounds invade the air, she's sitting on her throne They shed a tear for yesteryear and pray to be alone I look at all these silly fools. This house is not my home Chorus It's a fact, you can't go back to how things used to be The world is small enough to call out what will become of me Our friends have gone and left the hall. The chess set lies forlorn I look across at where they were. Who will mow the lawn? Mother pats her knees and says, 'Please stay away from me' I have fifty trivial things to do, and crumpets for me tea CHORUS We dream of being free With honey just for me As we look over the wall Our neighbours have it all The statue stares with sorry eyes at the gates that set him free Behind the garden's lots of fun, we might have lost the key Mother turns up in her car, her servants polish chrome There's narrow views from narrow minds. This house is not my home CHORUS
10.
Mr. Pearl 03:25
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Here comes Mr. Pearl. He got his maths at M.I.T. Got a special brain and his colleagues all agree All hail Mr. Pearl, All hail Mr. P Like to laugh behind his back. There’s a side they never see CHORUS Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (or make him angry) Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (or make him mad) Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (you wouldn’t like it) Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (he’s such a cad) He’s got a special room. Where he drinks a cup of tea Keeps his special things. That his colleagues never see All hail Mr. Pearl, All hail Mr. P They want to get away. Chained to a settee. CHORUS He wasn’t always born this way but something fused inside Though America’s really tolerant. He knew he had to hide Thank God it’s superficial, and no one probes too deep Just ignore those little men and hope they stay asleep Here comes Mrs. Pearl, you just can’t disagree She keeps herself in shape through yoga and tai-chi All hail Mrs. Pearl. All hail Mrs. P A world to put in shape. She's such a busy CHORUS 2 Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (or make her angry) Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (or make her bad) Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (you wouldn’t like it) Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (she’s such a cad) The boys like Mrs Pearl and they don’t complain Invites them in for tea. Never seen again All hail Mrs Pearl, all hail Mrs P They won’t ever talk. Never sets them free Chorus and out
11.
What A Seedy World 03:11
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Chorus: What a seedy world we’re living in x 2 If you look everyday at the news It’ll make you reach for the booze People breaking taboos And a victim there to accuse CHORUS A film star deep in the dirt Thought he was having flirt Starting to take off his shirt Trying to put his hands up her skirt CHORUS Musician up in a plane Used language that was profane To a girl that was serving Champagne Now his fan base has started to wane Playtime ended long ago But you’ve got time to kill Your life’s become so boring That you just need one more thrill You only lift a finger And lackies bow for you Like a little emperor Who might need something new CHORUS A politician far and remote Tried seducing several boys on a boat Slipped each a monetary note Twice as bad as the story they wrote CHORUS A newsreader, hair full of dye Morals he will supply Sniffed coke off a pretty girls thigh I bet that loosened his tie CHORUS and out
12.
Charlie the Uber Man 03:10
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Have you seen the Charlie the Uber man Car’s the size of sturdy armored van He’ll get you there, reliable sort of chap With a lot of help from his little iPhone map CHORUS Charlie will smile his day away And hopes that you will always say (Better than a black cab) Have you seen Charlie the Uber man Tells you all about his sickly gran Who needs an operation right away And hopes you’ve got some change for him today CHORUS He knows his stuff though life is always rough He’ll share a fact or two He’s at that age and he just makes minimum wage His life’s a rosy view Have you seen Charlie the Uber man Gone up west with tourists from Japan Always smiles and he never wears a frown Despite the council trying to shut him down CHORUS Have you seen Charlie the Uber man Had a bit of bother with a girl called Ann What he did would make a poor nun shriek Let’s hope he knows the way to charm the beak CHORUS He knows his stuff, though life is always rough He'll share a fact or two He's at that age, he just makes minimum wage His life's a rosy view

about

Welcome to Smugville. The sort of place where everybody spends their time telling you just how great it is living there and how there's no other place like it. You know, the sort of place that makes you want to kill.

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released June 17, 2018

Recorded at Plantagenet Studio, Smugville
All songs written and produced by Tony Harries
Vocals and Guitars by Tony Smugville
Bass and drums by G. Smugville

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Tony Harries UK

PCR is a small bespoke record label that specialises in free music, yes free music. Just follow the music button to hear. We're trying to show that great and interesting things can be free! We're also looking for new acts to promote so if you think you're what we need, get in touch. ... more

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