Welcome to Smugville

by Tony Harries

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Welcome to Smugville. The sort of place where everybody spends their time telling you just how great it is living there and how there's no other place like it. You know, the sort of place that makes you want to kill.


released June 17, 2018

Recorded at Plantagenet Studio, Smugville
All songs written and produced by Tony Harries
Vocals and Guitars by Tony Smugville
Bass and drums by G. Smugville


all rights reserved



Tony Harries UK

PCR is a small bespoke record label that specialises in free music, yes free music. Just follow the music button to hear. We're trying to show that great and interesting things can be free! We're also looking for new acts to promote so if you think you're what we need, get in touch. ... more

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Track Name: Smugville
Brush your lawn, make your windows clear in Smugville
In the running for Village of the Year (Smugville)
There sits Granny by the old oak tree
Smile on her face, Mein Kampf on her knee
The landlord serves while hatching a plan
To burn all strangers in a wicker man

The local bobby pushing his bike in Smugville
A rural scene that you can’t dislike (Smugville)
The mayor walks by while sniffing a bloom
Got a servant locked in a secret room
The butcher’s cuts are not too dear
And you never ever see a tramp round here

They look down on the local town who never try to understand
It’s rather tough, keeping up to snuff with polish and a big firm hand

It’s cricket and tea and we all agree in Smugville
Radio tuned to the BBC in Smugville
The ladies guild like to smile away
‘less your colour is wrong or you might be gay
A gardening man who kills your weeds
And I bet you wouldn’t like the smut he reads

Christmas comes every single day in Smugville
You’ll not find society’s moral decay in Smugville
The local shop is a different class
Gives a discount on pampas grass
Parties where keys are in a jar
Thrown by folks without a car

Brush you lawn make your windows clear in Smugville
Smugville, Smugville
Track Name: Behind the Door
Behind the door of the house on the street of the town, there’s a girl I think I used to know.
In her room, in her house on the street of her town, packs her bags and knows it’s time to go
Far away from her house on the street of her town where an education waits for her
But she’s lost from the house on the street of her town and she’s not a clue what might occur

And she dreams, cause her dreams cost nothing to redeem till she takes all her dreams apart.
And she knows, yes she knows that the future always glows till her future’s about to start

By a place in a book on a bus on a street there’s a boy I’ve heard could have it all
But the book that he reads on the bus on the street won’t prove any use to him at all
And the dreams from the book on the bus on the street mean a vague chance might be there for him
Till he dreams of the book on the bus on street but he knows his future will be grim


Fortune favours the weak so they say but it pays to have the face
Advantage doesn’t bring any rewards and I can’t save your place

There’s a mind in a brain in a head in a world and a man who prays to God instead
In his mind in his brain in his head in his world he knows the line is always dead
But his mind in his brain in his head in his world forever hope that some day soon
His thoughts in his mind in his brain in his world will someday sing a different tune


Behind the door of house on the street of the town, there’s a girl who knows she don’t belong
In her room in her house on the street of her town where she knows she’s found another song
Far away from the house on the street of her town where her parents smile and think the best
But she’s lost from the house on the street of the town and her thoughts of them make her depressed


And she dreams, cause her dreams cost nothing to redeem
Track Name: Ben Hur's Boat
We’ve found a job that we like on Ben Hur’s boat
Say that we’ll visit the world when we’re afloat

There’s your place with a hundred more
Don’t complain cause we just ignore
So much cash that we can make
Especially if you don’t take a break


Chained to the desk from nine to four
Don’t waste time on the person next door
We’ve so much fun and a Christmas do
When one of the bosses tries it on with you


We smile all day from our office suite
Our hardest choice is where we eat
The biggest secret we keep from you
Nobody knows really what we do


We’ll whip you up with a morning cuss
That’s designed to make you feel smaller than us
No promotion for you to eye
Don’t waste time we’ve got cameras that spy


There’s no time for you to waste
Your faith in us is so misplaced
Have a view and you will find
The sort of comments that kill a mind

CHORUS and out
Track Name: Friends Will Let You Down
There’s a thing that I have found
Your friends will let you down
Never lend you money for a taxi downtown
Your friends will let you down
Never call
Think of you at all
Make you small
And they don’t recall (don't recall)
Terribly rude
Sometimes crude
Laugh at you
When you’re in the nude

There’s a things that I have found
You’re friends will let you down
Never bother to buy a round
Your friends will let you down
Just don’t look
When you’re on Facebook
Talking gobbledygook
About a meal you’ll cook (meal you'll cook)
Want to have their say
About how much you weigh
And their favourite book
Is Fifty Shades of Grey

Is depressing to report
That they never give support
Are they really just my sort
They’re as useful as a wart (or a scab)

Don’t bother looking all around
Your friends will let you down
Correct you when you misuse a noun
Your friends will let you down
It’s such a shame
Seem so lame
Say what became
Of Mr. What'shisname (Mr What'shisname)
Can’t remember you
Or the things you do
About as welcome
As a cold fondue

There’s a thing that I have found
Your friends will let you down
Make a joke and they start to frown
Your friends will let you down
They never care
They’re so unaware
Never admire
Your silk underwear (underwear)
Behave like brats
Treat you like a mat
Prefer a doggy
To a tabby cat
Like TV shows
About U.F.O’s
They always hate
The size of your nose
Think it’s devine
To drink the cheapest wine
Their favourite song
Is Fog on the Tyne
Track Name: Make My Day
A chat show host who is on the hunt
Ways to make his life a publicity stunt
Does an appeal for charity
Sure to get a series on the B.B.C
A famous couple likes to think
We’d enjoy a show about food and drink
He likes to eat and as for she
Not eaten solids since ninety three

Please can you help to make my day
There’s only one thing that I pray
Can’t relate to what they say
Lock them up and throw the keys away

A man who sings he’s really good
Longs for a career in Hollywood
Tells everyone ‘money’s bad for you’.
Lives by the sea in Malibu


I don’t know why
It’s pie in the sky
And they are where they are
Why’s this guy
Think he’ll supply
Answers near and far


A man in band had a new desire
Wants to be the new Messiah
Tells everyone to give generously
Never ever plays a show for free


There’s a person, he’s a humble gent
Wants the run the world as the President
Says education is the only road
Can’t wait to learn the nuclear code

Track Name: I Saw Him
I bought all the songs and I learned all the lines
They meant so much to me
When he pranced about on Top of the Pops
For all the world to see
They said he don’t smile and his outlook was bleak
But he just looked devine
Never quite sure if his hearing was great
In my bedroom in my Northern climes

The time was ours, the smell of waving flowers
And everything seems so mild
We’re older now, but boy we all know how
Those epigrams made us Wilde

I saw him perform at the back of a hall
He seemed so far away
The music burst out inside of my head
Like the taste of a cabernet
I underlined words cause they spoke out to me
My mind was in a maze
Wasn’t quite clear, but he always felt near
A cell down in Strangeways


They played so bright but they went like a flame
He moved across the sea
Is sometimes seen on Top of the Pops
Making witty repartee
Seems so strange that I pinned all my hopes
As he danced so proud and odd
I always thought he’d be happy inside
Facing a firing squad

Track Name: Wind You Neck In
I've got something I can say about this, about that
A pointless moan from inside my flat
I'm worked up and my blood is boiled
Rant so much that my dinner gets spoiled

Like the sound when I start to speak
Scream blue murder, what a cheek
Walk about and think I'm cool
Kindly wind your neck in fool

I'm the voice that leads the crowd about this, about that
Only cause I like to chat
I use satire, I try wit
People think I'm full of it


I'll have a rant about all I see
From the safety of my settee
I can make jokes about the pointless too
Like my hipster look and a training show

I'll lead you all in a choral shout about this, about that
My thoughts are weighty but my jokes non-fat
I'm the one who sees decay
Shout about it till my dying day


Lift my finger to make a point about this, about that
Cost of living and the cost of VAT
I always feel that I am right
Logics warped and my thoughts are trite

Track Name: Love Song Cliche
Miss my girl on Monday
I love like a smelly cheese
Get to the end of Tuesday
I love her like I love disease
Pass the time on Wednesday
I love her like a dog like fleas
Nearly there on Thursday when
When I love her like a smelly cheese

There I sit and want to show
Just how much I love you so
But others find things so easy to say
So I’ll avoid love song cliches

Think of fun on Friday
I love her like a smelly sock
The Sun shines down on Saturday
I love like seventies rock
Time to reflect on Sunday
I love her like a broken clock
Time to return to Monday
When I love her like a smelly sock


Love can make your heart go so quick
Love can make wretched and sick
Love can make your heart start to dance
Love can make you forget to wear pants


Miss my girl in Spring time
I love her like a smelly cheese
I dream of her in Summer
I love her like I love to tease
Time to think in Autumn
I love her like a chilly breeze
Never ever cold in Winter
I love her like a smelly cheese

CHORUS and out
Track Name: This House is Not My Home
A regal scene on a Sunday lawn with mother eating scones
Croquet sounds invade the air, she's sitting on her throne
They shed a tear for yesteryear and pray to be alone
I look at all these silly fools. This house is not my home

It's a fact, you can't go back to how things used to be
The world is small enough to call out what will become of me

Our friends have gone and left the hall. The chess set lies forlorn
I look across at where they were. Who will mow the lawn?
Mother pats her knees and says, 'Please stay away from me'
I have fifty trivial things to do, and crumpets for me tea


We dream of being free
With honey just for me
As we look over the wall
Our neighbours have it all

The statue stares with sorry eyes at the gates that set him free
Behind the garden's lots of fun, we might have lost the key
Mother turns up in her car, her servants polish chrome
There's narrow views from narrow minds. This house is not my home

Track Name: Mr. Pearl
Here comes Mr. Pearl. He got his maths at M.I.T.
Got a special brain and his colleagues all agree
All hail Mr. Pearl, All hail Mr. P
Like to laugh behind his back. There’s a side they never see

Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (or make him angry)
Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (or make him mad)
Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (you wouldn’t like it)
Don’t rile Mr. Pearl (he’s such a cad)

He’s got a special room. Where he drinks a cup of tea
Keeps his special things. That his colleagues never see
All hail Mr. Pearl, All hail Mr. P
They want to get away. Chained to a settee.


He wasn’t always born this way but something fused inside
Though America’s really tolerant. He knew he had to hide
Thank God it’s superficial, and no one probes too deep
Just ignore those little men and hope they stay asleep

Here comes Mrs. Pearl, you just can’t disagree
She keeps herself in shape through yoga and tai-chi
All hail Mrs. Pearl. All hail Mrs. P
A world to put in shape. She's such a busy

Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (or make her angry)
Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (or make her bad)
Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (you wouldn’t like it)
Don’t rile Mrs. Pearl (she’s such a cad)

The boys like Mrs Pearl and they don’t complain
Invites them in for tea. Never seen again
All hail Mrs Pearl, all hail Mrs P
They won’t ever talk. Never sets them free

Chorus and out
Track Name: What A Seedy World
What a seedy world we’re living in x 2

If you look everyday at the news
It’ll make you reach for the booze
People breaking taboos
And a victim there to accuse


A film star deep in the dirt
Thought he was having flirt
Starting to take off his shirt
Trying to put his hands up her skirt


Musician up in a plane
Used language that was profane
To a girl that was serving Champagne
Now his fan base has started to wane

Playtime ended long ago
But you’ve got time to kill
Your life’s become so boring
That you just need one more thrill
You only lift a finger
And lackies bow for you
Like a little emperor
Who might need something new


A politician far and remote
Tried seducing several boys on a boat
Slipped each a monetary note
Twice as bad as the story they wrote


A newsreader, hair full of dye
Morals he will supply
Sniffed coke off a pretty girls thigh
I bet that loosened his tie

CHORUS and out
Track Name: Charlie the Uber Man
Have you seen the Charlie the Uber man
Car’s the size of sturdy armored van
He’ll get you there, reliable sort of chap
With a lot of help from his little iPhone map

Charlie will smile his day away
And hopes that you will always say
(Better than a black cab)

Have you seen Charlie the Uber man
Tells you all about his sickly gran
Who needs an operation right away
And hopes you’ve got some change for him today


He knows his stuff though life is always rough
He’ll share a fact or two
He’s at that age and he just makes minimum wage
His life’s a rosy view

Have you seen Charlie the Uber man
Gone up west with tourists from Japan
Always smiles and he never wears a frown
Despite the council trying to shut him down


Have you seen Charlie the Uber man
Had a bit of bother with a girl called Ann
What he did would make a poor nun shriek
Let’s hope he knows the way to charm the beak


He knows his stuff, though life is always rough
He'll share a fact or two
He's at that age, he just makes minimum wage
His life's a rosy view

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